When Reuben had sex with his step mother, there were a lot of issues he was dealing with before he took the steps to the affair. His father had betrayed him by giving his position to someone else (Joseph).
When David had his affair, it was not due to someone hurting him (at least, we don't know of anyone); but rather David was used to war and killing. The Bible does not speak of his daily rituals as a warrior; and we automatically assume that he was a nice guy and a moral man; but he was a warrior who killed on a regular basis. We assume that because he was in the Bible and mentioned as a hero of the faith that he acted like a saint in all matters of war; but this is an assumption that is misplaced.
When King David had his affair, he was a man who used to getting what he wanted, when he wanted. He was a celebrity war hero who was used to killing and used to plundering this conquered. To put it simply, most likely David felt entitled. There are many who feel entitled to having affairs and easily step into affairs because they feel they are entitled to having sex with someone else. I suppose there is a bit of entitlement in most affairs.
When Amnon took his father's kingdom and then publicly slept with his father's live in Concubines, he was showing his hatred for his father who never disciplined him. This lack of discipline betrays a lack of attention given the boy as he grew up. His father was off fighting wars while Amnon grew up. Raping step mom in today's world is rare, but was mentioned on two different occasions in the Bible. In both cases the rapers were lashing out against their fathers.
In today's world many spouses lash out against the lack of attention or injustices they have at home. These spouse use affairs as a tool of their anger. These people feel entitled to sleep with someone else because their spouse has hurt them in one way or another.
There are those people who are hardened to their moral compass and have convinced themselves that as long as their partners don't know anything, there is no harm done. It is only after beginning the affair that some of this group begin to have concerns about the ramifications of what they did (which include the spouse discovering, accusing or suspecting something is going on or discovering that the person they cheat with is psycho, won't let go, etc.).
If you have had an illicit affair, or are in one, or just want to have an affair with someone other than your spouse, you may ask yourself, "Why?" Do you feel entitled? Are you lashing out? Are you angry at your spouse? These are issues that need to be addressed, even if you are able to keep your clothes on.
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