Am I an expert in sex and temptation? I guess we all are to some degree or another. When Eve and Adam fell, the temptation was knowledge - knowledge of sin. Adam and Eve were naive to sin in that they never experienced it and didn't know what it was or what it was like until they partook in sin. Then they became the first humans to experience sin and know what it was like. They became the first experts of something we all share in.
Have I experienced infidelity? No. I don't know what it is like to fail in my marriage because of adultery. That doesn't mean I have not been tempted; I have been.
Why should I write about adultery when I have not experienced it? I remember watching a lady on TV who claimed to be an expert on marriage. She made a boat load of money telling people how to have a happy marriage, even though she was on her third of fourth marriage. When asked about her track record, she claimed that multiple marriages gave her expertise on the subject. She was an expert because she had so many marriages? I thought that was a bunch of crap to say the least. If she knew as much about marriage as she claimed, she would have stayed in one happy relationship. I might even give her one failed marriage from which she learned to make a great second marriage. Then she would have good lessons from both sides. But I can't buy her line of reasoning that she so happened to learn how to make a marriage work, when she has never been able to.make a marriage work for herself.
Sure, there could be a lot she learned from being married 3 or 4 times. I could learn a lot from experiencing different affairs. I could tell you how each affair happens and every detail about the the steps to affairs. But I could never write about staying faithful and how to do stay faithful, because my standards would have failed and then I wouldn't be able to tell you to live up to or follow standards I believed in that failed me. I am reminded of the time Jesus was talking to the Pharisees and told them that they placed heavy burdens and rules on other people's shoulders that they themselves were unable carry themselves (Matthew 23:3).
At the same time, if I was above temptation or if I was unable to have an affair because no one else found me attractive; or if I only liked the types of women that were out of my league; I would not be able to share from experience what works and what does not work in keeping faithful to one person throughout life.
If I never fell headlong into an affair, what do I know about them, and why should I write about affairs as if I know what they are all about? I write about them because I have learned a lot from others who have had affairs or who were scheduled to have an affair. For years I counseled as a pastor, and the people I counseled opened up to me about their temptations and their affairs.
Some of these people had already had the affair and were coming to me for absolution and help dealing with the aftermath. Others were fighting the temptations to get involved with someone they should not.
I study patterns. Patterns are the building material of the soft sciences where there are few universal rules to go by. Although temptation and giving into affairs are unique to each couple, there are certain excuses and behavioral patterns that seem to be present in most if not all adulterous affairs. There are also patterns of behavior that people follow after the fall.
The following chapters in this blog which I will write are taken from these people's experiences, my own experiences, modern media (which include movies), and the Bible.
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