I Wish I Would Have Married Someone Else

I friend of mine one time told me that he wished he would have stayed years ago with his ex girlfriend rather than marrying the woman he did.

What he said was wrong on two counts:

YOU WOULD STILL END UP IN STAGE FOUR

When my friend began dating this present wife, he loved being with his girlfriend.  They both shared in the early stages of a romance, doting over each other and enjoyed growing closer to each other.  But as time went on, those early stages of romance dropped off and the two became familiar to each other.  Eventually they got married and in time his wife was not as special to him any more.  She was looking for her own interests as my friend looked for his. They shared a house and two kids; but my friend began to miss the thrill of young love.

My friend's marriage was no longer exciting or special and when he thought back to another girl he had dated, he compared the two and realized that what he had now was nothing like what he had back then.  Notice that he is comparing a stage 4 romance to a stage 1 and 2 romance, which is usually not a fair comparison, but then my friend never got to a stage 4 with his other girlfriend.  If he had, in all likelihood he would be thinking that he should have waited for someone else.

If my friend were to compare his early dating life with his present wife to his past girlfriend, he may discover that his present wife was much better, more fun, and more exciting.

I think a lot of us forget the early years of our relationship.  In my toughest years of marriage; one thought always helped me stay away from wishing I had stayed with an old flame, wondering if life would be better with her.  As those thoughts creeped into my head, I revisited the first year or two of  my dating experience with the other and realize that my present wife was a far better choice of the two.

I cannot know how it would have turned out with my old girlfriend if I had married her instead, so for me to compare my present wife to her is completely unfair and unrealistic.

THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE

Another issue with comparing my present wife to an old flame is that I forget so much of what it was like with my old flame as I forget so much of what it was like with my wife in the early days.  Furthermore, my memory of both eventually gets filled with present feelings.  So my thoughts are filled with the arguments and disagreements of the present with the fun I had with so and so.  The truth is - if I would have married so and so, in all likelihood, I would be in a rut just like this or worse, wishing I had stayed around for the girl I did marry.

DISCLAIMER

At present I do not feel like I am in a rut; but there were days in my marriage that both my wife and I had faced some very difficult times with each other.  It was during those days that I kept back the temptations of dreaming about someone else, because I knew that I would face the same issues (or maybe different ones just as bad if not worse) given enough time with someone else.

I think too many people quit a marriage that could work because they want the early stages of a romance.